Hands free

Whenever I'm at the mall, I find myself secretly jealous of all the moms. While I hope to be a mom someday myself, I'm not jealous of their baby. I mean, I know my future child will be darling. But, when I am carrying all of my neon-yellow Forever 21 bags (incriminating, but faith promoting), I am green with envy for the mother pushing her baby in a mall shopping cart, a.k.a. a stroller. Ugh, I can't wait. In fact, if you knew me seven years ago, you might remember that my New Year's resolution was "Hands-free 2003!" Much to the chagrin of my sisters, this goal entailed a myriad of clip-on cell phones and keys . . . I very much resembled a custodian or contractor.

Mommies, if any of the following offends you, just remember that I am an inexperienced single person.

So, I guess I'm confused by the baby sling. I get the fact that it comes in a variety of fabrics and patterns and color schemes (brown + pink/turqoise/lime green/any modern color). Cute? But, it seems to be a regression from modern technology. Is it more natural? I guess if your baby is named Joey.
It might just be me, but this doesn't seem easier (unless your goal is Osteoporosis).
I can barely fold one of those shirts with an attached camisole, let alone follow whatever pictorial instructions accompany the versatile baby sling. But, I'm pretty sure I could figure out how to use this:
Behold the future. FUNNN! I'm also pretty sure that this baby is having a great time.

In the meantime, I'm thinking this might be a plausible option for my next trip to the mall:

7 Response to Hands free

May 4, 2010 at 10:31 PM

I was at the mall today without Lily (which means no stroller) and was wishing I had brought her just for the stroller! There is a woman that is pretty popular amongst the Fashion Place mall workers that shops with a stroller, but no baby. I have seen her. Smartly dressed pushing a $20 umbrella stroller with bags in the seat and no baby. I caught myself thinking, "You could at least be pushing something more substantial..." So the legend is not Urban.
And as far as the sling. I have tried them all. Only tall supermodels or Andy H. can pull them off, the rest of us look fat, disheveled and are unable to get to our purse. (And if any body reading this feels othewise, well let me be the first to tell you...) And yes, back pain is a given unless the child is a newborn. Strollers have given me a shopping freedom I would never have known until I had Lil' Faith.
And don't even get me started with your personal motto of "Hands Free, 2003." I think your trips to the DMV and Sunglass Hut for replacements speak for themselves.

May 5, 2010 at 1:56 PM

My favorite picture is the middle sling mother- is her "baby" like 5 years old? by the looks of it those feet could almost touch the ground. she better kiss that back goodbye.

May 11, 2010 at 5:56 PM

hahaha the baby razor!!! too much. we were just discussing today how badly we wished they had adult sized strollers, you know for museums and things. then we realized they're called wheelchairs. and it sucks to be in one.

May 14, 2010 at 3:31 PM

I'm 100% with you on this subject. Maybe your new montra should be "babies from heaven in 2011!"

May 16, 2010 at 1:51 PM

So I have a link to your blog on my blog. Recently I found out that some of my friends who don't even know you read your blog because they saw it on my blog and we all think you are hilarious. We think you should a) post more often b) write for a magazine 3) market your blog so you can make money off of it.

Seriously, you have a fan club. We can't wait for your next post (no pressure).

May 17, 2010 at 7:35 PM

look out girl, there is a fierce community of "baby wearers" who may send you death threats.

May 23, 2010 at 4:04 PM

Melissa, you have no idea how important it is to me to have a fan club. I appreciate your vote of confidence, but since I can't think of a witty response, I'm not sure I'm ready for publishing or worse, web fame.
How come I can't get to your blog? I'm only able to stalk your children's growth through facebook at the moment.


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