I used to tell people I came from money. This was of course, a joke. My dad was a public school teacher (very rewarding in other non-financial spheres) and my mom was a full-time personal assistant for me and my 6 siblings (unpaid). However, like a coal miner's daughter, "we had love, and that's the one thing that daddy made sure of." When I went off to college, I told many people my last name was Chipman, the name of our dormitory. I liked to say, "Hi, my name is Chelsey Chipman, heiress to the Chipman fortune." If they ever asked how we made our money, I usually said that my grandfather had planted a Money Tree years before, and we were reaping its "fruits." Very few people got the joke, mostly because they were heirs in their own right and had no reason to discount my story. As I've gotten older, money has played a larger role in my life.
Recently, I have become obsessed with my billzzz. Not like Benjamins, but like utilities. In this process I have realized that I have a slight obsessive-compulsive complex when it comes to my finances. I have a very small calculator that sits by my computer where I type in hypothetical scenarios of bill payments very regularly. I often think up situations where I only leave $250 a month for "other expenses." Things like, food, gas, clothes, other shopping, etc., you know, the not so necessaries???? Then, I try and live on said budget for approximately 3 days, only to realize that my savings plan is impossible. I'm greedy, but not for stuff, well that too, but for a bank account. I want to be able to watch "Mad Money" in peace. Or be thinking, "Man Suze Orman, I am way ahead of you." Instead, I get sulky and go buy myself some take out and make a visit to my next-door neighbor, the University Mall.
Really, all I'm trying to do is impress my high school Econ. teacher, Ms. Wara. She explained one fateful day in class that if at age 18, you saved $50 a month and put that income into a 6% interest building account (mythical, Ms. Wara) that you would be a millionaire by age 55. I want to do the same. Instead, I am plagued by the genius of a few ladies, known to most of us as "Destiny's Child:"
"can you pay my bills?
can you pay my telephone bills?
can you pay my automo'bills?
then maybe we can chillI
don't think you do
so you and me are through"
But, you know what they say, "Mo' money, mo' problems."
