There aren't a lot of tasks that stress me out, mostly because I'm an extremely capable human. But, for some reason, after I graduated from middle school, there has been one task that continually makes my stomach churn . . . filling out questionnaires. Not the kind that my dentist sends me via email, where I check "Strongly Agree" to every unread question in order to get a $20 rebate towards my next cleaning. No, what I'm referring to are the ones that ask me about the one thing I should know everything about . . . myself.
It seems simple enough, just list your favorite color, band, candy bar, soda, time of day, over-the-counter stimulant, you know, the basics. Usually, I can come up with decent answers that reflect what I know to be popular with most teenagers. Consequently, most of those answers have very little resemblance to my actual favorites. Since, apparently on paper, I am a social outcast. Turns out that if you list Alanis Morrisette’s “Jagged Little Pill” as your favorite CD, you may be labeled as “unhip” or worse, “Lesbian.” And, if you admit that you prefer Baby Ruth to Skittles, people might guess the truth. The truth being that I am prematurely old. Favorite breakfast item: A handful of Peanut M&Ms. These kinds of answers are ultimately appalling to my counterparts in the R.E.I. co-op. Unfortunately, I become sheepish anytime the age-old analogy about jumping off a bridge comes up. The answer remains the same as it has always been . . . probably.
But, as we all know, these kinds of questionnaires never just ask about surface items like music and food, no, they usually get much deeper, and consequently, more painstaking. The kinds of questions that cripple me are the kinds that reveal anything about my actual life. The worst of them being . . . hobbies. I don’t know about the rest of the adult world, but I haven’t really had a hobby since 6th grade. Back then I could list Basketball, Softball, and Cross Stitching (don’t forget, prematurely old) without a second thought. This was before high school, before anything you loved was destroyed. Playing sports in high school helped to remove any fun that was associated with physical exercise and replace it with dread anytime I smell gym floors or Endorphins. But, it’s a crime to be hobby-less in today’s world. Frankly, even I can’t account for my time most of the time. The Chelsey of the 21st Century prefers napping, channel flipping, snacking, and having the same conversations with the same friends over and over. To my shame, none of these activities are considered “Hobbies.”
So, for honesty’s sake, here’s a questionnaire that hasn’t been edited for the general audience. I’ve included both my fake and real responses:
It seems simple enough, just list your favorite color, band, candy bar, soda, time of day, over-the-counter stimulant, you know, the basics. Usually, I can come up with decent answers that reflect what I know to be popular with most teenagers. Consequently, most of those answers have very little resemblance to my actual favorites. Since, apparently on paper, I am a social outcast. Turns out that if you list Alanis Morrisette’s “Jagged Little Pill” as your favorite CD, you may be labeled as “unhip” or worse, “Lesbian.” And, if you admit that you prefer Baby Ruth to Skittles, people might guess the truth. The truth being that I am prematurely old. Favorite breakfast item: A handful of Peanut M&Ms. These kinds of answers are ultimately appalling to my counterparts in the R.E.I. co-op. Unfortunately, I become sheepish anytime the age-old analogy about jumping off a bridge comes up. The answer remains the same as it has always been . . . probably.
But, as we all know, these kinds of questionnaires never just ask about surface items like music and food, no, they usually get much deeper, and consequently, more painstaking. The kinds of questions that cripple me are the kinds that reveal anything about my actual life. The worst of them being . . . hobbies. I don’t know about the rest of the adult world, but I haven’t really had a hobby since 6th grade. Back then I could list Basketball, Softball, and Cross Stitching (don’t forget, prematurely old) without a second thought. This was before high school, before anything you loved was destroyed. Playing sports in high school helped to remove any fun that was associated with physical exercise and replace it with dread anytime I smell gym floors or Endorphins. But, it’s a crime to be hobby-less in today’s world. Frankly, even I can’t account for my time most of the time. The Chelsey of the 21st Century prefers napping, channel flipping, snacking, and having the same conversations with the same friends over and over. To my shame, none of these activities are considered “Hobbies.”
So, for honesty’s sake, here’s a questionnaire that hasn’t been edited for the general audience. I’ve included both my fake and real responses:
Why were you given your particular name?
Fake: Spiritual prompting
Real: It was Mother’s turn to choose.
How many brothers and sisters do you have?
Fake: 3 brothers and 3 sisters
Real: This could get uncomfortable, since 2 of my brothers live in Heaven, but I’ll stick with 3 brothers and 3 sisters.
What is your favorite thing to do?
Fake: Snowboard, Wakeboard, or anything adventurous.
Real: Nap, snack, or watch reality TV on MTV
What is your favorite food?
Fake: Salmon and the fruit of the season
Real: Chocolate Cake, preferably refrigerated.
What is your favorite book?
Fake: To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Real: Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris (sorry Mom)
What is your favorite candy bar?
Fake: Twix
Real: Charleston Chew (more candy for your dime)
What is your favorite cookie?
Fake: Something from Pepperidge Farms
Real: Pinwheels
What is your favorite sport?
Fake: Basketball
Real: Freeze Tag
What is your favorite kind of music?
Fake: Indy Rock
Real: Top 40 from 1994-1999 or Country
What is your favorite song?
Fake: Penny Lane by the Beatles
Real: Hold On by Wilson Phillips or Fancy by Reba McIntire
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Fake: A teacher
Real: Lay-at-home wife to someone wealthy
What is your favorite temple?
Fake: Oakland
Real: Don’t have a favorite
What place would you like to know about?
Fake: Where can I begin?
Real: Colorado City
What place would you like to visit?
Fake: Bangkok
Real: Nordstrom Rack or Colorado City
What is your favorite thing about your mom?
Fake: Her kindness
Real: That she laughs at my inappropriate humor
What is your favorite thing about your dad?
Fake: His humor
Real: His ability to sneak into Football games for free
What is your favorite thing about yourself?
Fake: My ability to give advice
Real: My ability to make up funny nicknames
Do you like to dance?
Fake: For excercise
Real: At parties to be funny
What movie can you quote?
Fake: Newsies
Real: Muppets Family Christmas, Muppet Christmas Carol, Home Alone, While you Were Sleeping, The Santa Clause, Steel Magnolias, Beaches, and Blue Crush
How would your friends describe you to someone who has never met you?
Fake: Cool
Real: Emotionally distant
In five years, what kind of person will you be?
Fake: Successful
Real: The same
What do you want to be doing in five years?
Fake: Whatever makes me happy
Real: Giving singles advice about marriage
When you have an hour of free time, what do you like to do?
Fake: Read
Real: Watch TiVo
What is your favorite church movie?
Fake: Lamb of God
Real: Labor of Love
What is the strangest thing you've ever done?
Fake: Went to bed without washing my face.
Real: Spoke at the funeral of a woman I didn’t know.
12 Response to Should I have interests?
Okay, this post brings to mind a lot of things. First off, if everyone else is jumping off a bridge, they probably have a good reason for jumping off said bridge. Second, I too love david sedaris, and am ashamed that my favorite section is "big boy." Because I about pee my pants every time I read it. Lastly, I also hate those questions. Especially on dates. I have a rule, if while on a date he asks what my hobbies/talents/interests are, automatic no next date.
I remember going through the no-hobby crisis of '06-'07. In order to sound cool and interesting, I actually bought a lace-making kit so that I could one day sew the lace to the bottom of my wedding dress. The lace-making kit remains untouched in my storage unit. I remain single.
I've since figured out that hobbies aren't really the things you DO, they're the things that you LIKE. If you like watching Dancing with the Stars, by all means, that should be included as a hobby. And if you said that on a date, and your date found that to be clever...you just might have yourself a winner.
Anyway, this post made me laugh out loud thrice. You are like the female version of David Sedaris. Witty, reflective, down right hilarious. But not lesbian.
hahah. a phrase i also hate to hear is.. "now we're going to go around the room with introductions. tell us your name and something interesting about yourself..."
panic attack.
This reminds me of a night a few years back when Stacey S., Tonia T. and myself were all talking to our new, kinda awkward... ok, very awkward home teacher. He starts out by saying, "So,what are some of your hobbies? Let's start with you, Stacey." Crickets. Not a one of us could come in for back up, because sadly, we all realized we had no hobbies. Worse, I just wanted him to leave so I could watch American Idol.
Chelsey, this latest blog was a classic. I thoroughly enjoyed the questionnaire. I cried with tears of laughter reading your responses. Especially your answer about Dad. It's true...
Thoroughly enjoyed the post, Chel - especially what you want to be doing in five years and your favorite food. Of course, you know mine..."burritos and brownies." I can completely relate to the pat questionnaire answer dilemma. To think that as a teenager, I usually listed "rollerblading" as one of my hobbies; then once I entered college, that changed to "snowboarding." What a joke. Now, I put something down like "pop culture" or "weight loss," which may not really count as hobbies per se, but are much more reflective as to the type of person I really am.
The truth is, I think we usually wrongly confuse "hobbies" with "talents." The problem with this is that while I honestly love to sing and dance and do so all the time around my house, I would never write that down on a survey. Doing so would infer that that I am actually good at said "hobbies" at which point I might be asked to share them with the outside world. That is why it is always safest to put something that you can never actually be tested on or that you can do publicly with confidence...like "reading."
Ha, ha, Chelsey you are funny. All the comments are funny too. Wish I could be as funny as you :) I don't even know who David Sedaris is? But does that really surprise anyone...no. Lay at home mom and giving advice to singles...ha, ha. I realize everything you said is pretty much true. I have been trying to make an effort to get to know people in my ward...I'm real bad at such things. However I think they are too because they aren't striking up a conversation. So I started asking people what they like to do, (I'm also trying to find a substitute best friend for Stephanie...someone to motivate me to run once again). Hasn't been working. They feel totally awkward and tell me they don't really have any hobbies? Lets see, I like eating, making food with my husband, and listening to the Harry Potter series on cd.
That was hilarious and poignant. I hope you keep track of these blogs and someday write a book. You could have a best seller amongst singles and those not so far past their single years. Even I, at 66 start to panic a bit when asked "coldly" about my "hobbies." I love life and stay very busy..granted sometimes with things that aren't so important to others...but I remain active, and sometimes accomplish a few things. Your blog comments were so honest and funny I had to say something about them.
You are simply "genuine" and everyone who knows you knows that about you. And to clear up the matter about Dad "sneaking" into football games...in his defense, he did not "sneak". He felt that after the thousands of sparsely paid hours he had spent coaching years of jv and varsity and youth football and whatever other sports ... (boys/girls) that he was "entitled" to take his "coaching clipboard" and walk uprightly with dignity through any gate...he even went down on the field 99% of the time and the coaches loved him. So, that's not really sneaking, is it?
Chelsey, you are a nut and we all love you for being such a character. You have been for every waking moment of your life. The paradox of it all is that, in spite of yourself, you are a terribly good person.
Loved this post. . .it made me think of what I would say about my hobbies--ummm. . . reading other peoples' blogs, reading about other people scrapbooking, reading about other people getting organized, oh, and lest we forget, wiping. Wiping is a big hobby of mine--you know, wiping counters, rear ends, high chair trays, the slate clean, etc.
Wow Chelsey, you know yourself better than I thought.
I hate to brag, but this blog is about why my life is better than yours after all, so if not here, where? Now that I am reflecting on my own hobbies, I am feeling quite confident that I have a fairly solid bag of tricks. I quilt, I cook, I am musical, I organize junk and I rollerblade (present tense, Lacy). All of these grand hobbies provide me with:
1. A temporary feeling of
productivity.
2. Something to show other people
so they can tell me "good job"
3. Something I can tell my
sister-in-law about when we
run out of other minutia.
4. An opportunity to mutter "crap"
repeatedly.
What more could you ask for from your hobbies really?
Hilarious post. I'm dying to know more about how you spoke at a woman's funeral you didn't know.
Chelsey, I've said it before and I will say it again: You are the Queen of Cool. And through it all, you are the Queen of Cool because of who you really are. Those real answers are what makes you so endearing, entertaining, and enjoyable to be around.
I don't see you that much anymore, but know that the Bench family loves you. And your hobbies.
where has this blog been all my life?
FOLLOW!
hope you don't see any plan crashes today...
Post a Comment