I'm not married, but if I was. . .

I would be married to him. Plain and simple, I love my Johns. Having him back on Idol on Wednesday just rekindled a love affair that had started back at the beginning of the season. But like any relationship, sometimes loves takes a while to come to rolling boil. Not like those new stoves from the devil that Kelly Ripa is advertising. 90 second boil, please. Instead, my love for Michael resembles that of the old Jenn Air stove top in our country home growing up. At least 10 minutes on high. AHHH, at times if felt like an eternity.

Here is a chronicle of our love-

Love at first sight: Michael walks into the Idol audition in San Diego. Attention grabbed.

First date: Michael sings Queen. "Mama!"

Rendezvous to meet the parents: Mr. Johns sings "We Will Rock you!" Please, do you promise??

Time for engagement photos: I might need to take a moment to collect myself here. Breathe out. Michael brilliantly combined two of my loves, Michael Johns and none other than Dolly Parton. Michael sings, "It's All Wrong, but It's All Right." Watch and love. I can't express the feelings I experienced listening to him pay tribute to another Idol in such an intoxicating manner. Don't worry, I have been to the Dolly Parton Dixie Stampede in Branson, MO. Sadly, no actual Dolly. Just an amazing gift shop. So, in other words, Michael, please marry me.

Honestly, I'm sure all I need to do is say the word and he will leave his poor-man's-version-of-me of a wife. Because well, frankly, that's just the way my life is.