When two become one

Did I ever mention that my grandma was an original Spice Girl? Tag name: Country Spice. But, I don't think she looks too country in this photo.

Crackberry

Yes! I'm rich. I try to keep this detail about my life on the DL, but sometimes it's unavoidable. Now, I know what you're thinking (why do I know? Because I'm probably smarter than you. I passed the AP English test for crying in the mud.), you're thinking, aren't you a teacher? Teachers aren't generally thought of as wealthy, but I am about to dispell this myth. Sure, a father of seven whose wife doesn't work might have to pinch a few pennies, but not single ladies of leisure such as myself. All my money is mine. I don't have to share it with anybody. Especially not husbands or babies, the worst kinds of mooches. Sure I don't mind spotting my friend for a fro-yo from time to time, but generally they pay me back, and sometimes it's with a Cafe Rio. So in that case, I actually make money. Sweet!

Why am I telling you about how rich I am? Have you read the title of this blog? Well, the truth is I made an expensive purchase. That's right, I got a Blackberry Pearl. A red one, which is cooler than Lisa's white one. Now, don't go judging me because I didn't get the newest Iphone. Truth is, smudge marks all over the screen gross me out. If I was prone to break outs, which I'm not, I would never put the thing to my face. So, of course a Blackberry is a superior choice. The only problem is that it never stops dinging and/or ringing from all the notifications of my friends needing to ge a hold of me. It's tough when you have as many friends on facebook as me.

My new favorite fruit, Blackberry.

yet again, something cool.

I'm going to Costa Rica. Sorry, it's true.

I'm not married, but if I was. . .

I would be married to him. Plain and simple, I love my Johns. Having him back on Idol on Wednesday just rekindled a love affair that had started back at the beginning of the season. But like any relationship, sometimes loves takes a while to come to rolling boil. Not like those new stoves from the devil that Kelly Ripa is advertising. 90 second boil, please. Instead, my love for Michael resembles that of the old Jenn Air stove top in our country home growing up. At least 10 minutes on high. AHHH, at times if felt like an eternity.

Here is a chronicle of our love-

Love at first sight: Michael walks into the Idol audition in San Diego. Attention grabbed.

First date: Michael sings Queen. "Mama!"

Rendezvous to meet the parents: Mr. Johns sings "We Will Rock you!" Please, do you promise??

Time for engagement photos: I might need to take a moment to collect myself here. Breathe out. Michael brilliantly combined two of my loves, Michael Johns and none other than Dolly Parton. Michael sings, "It's All Wrong, but It's All Right." Watch and love. I can't express the feelings I experienced listening to him pay tribute to another Idol in such an intoxicating manner. Don't worry, I have been to the Dolly Parton Dixie Stampede in Branson, MO. Sadly, no actual Dolly. Just an amazing gift shop. So, in other words, Michael, please marry me.

Honestly, I'm sure all I need to do is say the word and he will leave his poor-man's-version-of-me of a wife. Because well, frankly, that's just the way my life is.

Hey Marcia, pass the mirrored sun reflector.

Got a tan this weekend in 60 degree weather. Just sitting at the baseball game. It's May, and I have a healthy glow. Oh yeah, I won a free T-shirt from Cosmo too. All thanks to my Spidey reach.

Overnight Miracle

So, I needed my birth certificate ASAP. But when it comes to the government, they are no respector of persons . . . or so I thought. On Tuesday, I did a little googley googlin and came across a site that I could use to pay with a credit card. Credit cards are better than checks, because they aren't paper and they're not so mommy. OF course this seemed the best option, except that there was just no way around getting a notarized signature faxed to the vital records office in Fairfield, CA, my place of birth. And fax? Please, is it the 80s? Anyway, everything was seeming a bit archaic, but I decided to play by the rules. Reluctantly.

However, during the ordering process, I did notice there was a fed ex option for delivery. Fed Ex is obviously better than USPS because it's usually more expensive. Check yes please. So, of course it cost a little more, but I've never been afraid of a dollar sign. Finally, Tuesday afternoon I got all my ish "faxed" off and awaited a 2 week arrival of my package, or whenever pony express could get it here.

Now, I wasn't expecting to have any special treatment, but sometimes this stuff just follows you. And ta dah, Wednesday afternoon, after returning home from a pleasant day at work, my roomie, Liz, presented me with a beautiful Fed Ex package. Inside: MY Birth Certificate. Sheesh! Turns out, it pays to "DISCOVER."

Oh Riley! Factor

This post is dedicated to my newest/exceptional nephew Riley Thomas Forston. This little guy was born last week on February 13th. Usually, the number 13 proves to be unlucky, but already in his first week Riley has proved that superstition WRONG.

The following are reasons and or indications of how advanced Riley is:

1) He weighed 8 lbs. 9 oz. Some babies have to be 2 weeks old before they reach that fighting weight.

2) His soft spot is almost non-existent. I do not exaggerate when I say that this one-week-old infant's soft area of the cranium is only about the size of a quarter. (Yep!) He's hard headed, but in a good way.

3) He holds in his own pacifer. I've met babies who are a year old and cannot say the same. His expression seems to give off a signal of, "Don't worry about it mom, I've got it."

4) He's a sleepy head. 4 out of the last 8 days (half his life), little Riley has slept 5 hours straight during the night. I consider that sleeping through the night.

5) He chills. This kid has the maturity of the Dalai Lama. When it's time to be awake that's just what he is. No need to cry and be a nusance. Riley just takes it all in and quietly passes judgment on the world around.

6) His chakras are alligned. He is a true yoga master! I have seen him in postures that take advanced yoga students years to master. He basically hangs out in downward dog most of the time. He's an inspiration.

7) He's cool. How many babies do you know who sport sunglasses?

8) He's darn cute. This isn't technically an advancement, since you have to be born with good looks. But, needless to say, he will avoid the pitfalls of both Bruce Jenner and Kenny Rogers. No need for surgical enhancement.

9) He's much much more. I'm sure there are many more yet to be discovered, so let's just say, he's advanced times infinity. Yeah that should take care of it.