I'm basically famous

Here are some pictures of famous people I saw up at the Sundance Film Festival this weekend. Of course, I did not snap any shots with them because I know how bothersome it can be whenever lots of people want to get their picture with you. Hello, the last day of school is always a paparazzi frenzy for me.

1st Celeb: Amy Poelher

Setting: The bottom of Main Street in Park City

Interaction: Me thinks that is Amy Poehler, "Hey Amy!" She turns around with a smile. "We're big fans of yours!" (Of course referring to my multiple personalities) She responds, "Well thank you for that." Basically, I could have gone home right then. Mission accomplished. And yes, she does have a bit of a baby bump left over from the recent birth of her child with Job. She looked great, and we were wearing the same sunglasses. Obviously.

2nd Celeb: Elijah Wood

Setting: The Foundry Grill at Sundance Resort

Interaction: Really none. It was just him and a couple of friends and us standing near the deli. No boyfriends from what I could observe. The only clever comments I could think of were about his early work in "Radio Flyer" and "The Good Son," back when I considered him a heart throb. So, I refrained from speaking. Not so star struck, and I think that is because I realized that he was type cast for his work in "Lord of the Rings." He stood about 5'5" from what I could tell, with impish features. Exactly the image of a hobbit. No, he wasn't wearing anything around his neck.

3rd Celeb: Wynonna Judd

Setting: Back at the bottom of Main Street, being ushered into the Music Cafe.

Interation: None. I was completely overwhelmed by the color of her hair. ORANGE. I did get to hear her sing, which was a thrill since I have always been a huge fan of the Judds. If you haven't heard of them, just ask Grandpa to tell you "'bout the good old days."

4th Celeb: Jay from "The City," boyfriend of Whitney, downtown boy.

Setting: Mid-Main Street

Interaction: First listening to him speak with a few other Australians. Intoxicating. I will admit that I have been known to say that he is not all that good looking. This is a formal apology. Not bad at all. As for speaking to him, I did say, "Hey Jay!" He looked up with a smile and said, "Yeah?" I so smoothly responded, "It's good to see you." He smiled and waved and we shared a moment. Thank you MTV.

Coming soon . . .

Keep checking the blog. There is more to come this week about how I don't have kids, so I have time to do really cool things. Good thing there aren't any significant others filling up my time with obligatory dinner dates!

TV teachers make me uncomfortable

Most of you have the pleasure of watching fictional teachers on screen and getting a good laugh. Unfortunately for me, the gnawing self-awareness that the media brings to my profession is often unbearable. Not because they got it all wrong, rather they got it just right. Uhhh. Many high-school-centered shows know that a good laugh is a given if it pokes fun at a teacher. Another sigh. I generally find myself letting out a nervous giggle/snort as they depict a frustrated teacher jumping to reach a projector screen that has been recoiled above their grasp. Or, as the interested and busy English teacher battles her bra-strap in a rather pathetic way.

For me, I'm sent questioning each day, "Is this something that my students can relate to an episode from the WB?" When a student tries to get me to date the thrice divorced Math teacher, is this just another Miss Geist/Mr. Hall moment from "Clueless?" Do I appear lonely and stuck in a rather rigid grading scale in need of a relationship? Is this what my 50 in. flat screen is telling me (yep)?

At the end of the day, I wander to the movies like any other single professional. Of course, while I'm there, I will in no doubt be greeted by a group of 9th grade mall rats. They say hi and we chat for a moment about how this is their 7th time seeing "Twilight." I feel cool, I feel with it. (Because I said "with it," does that cancel out my coolness?? I digress.) However, as confident as I feel about that interaction, I can't help but think, "Was their sighting me outside of school like watching a dog walk on its hind legs?"

Ruff, ruff.

The holidays are over. Yay!

Tear down the tinsel and burn the tree, it's time to celebrate. Honestly, there is no better feeling than cleaning up Christmas decorations post January 1. I'll admit, looking at all that red and green can be a daunting task, but tearing it down is like unto popping a zit. Now that my house has been de-Christmased, it has never looked cleaner and more void of cheer. Yes!

Unfortunately, with the end of the holidays come a return to the hum drum. By hum drum I really mean the violation of all things I enjoy, work. Monday morning as I rubbed the gravel from my eyes at 6 AM, I found myself thinking, "Really, I mean really? This is my life?" Me and the milkman are hitting the pavement by 7 AM, while the rest of America realizes that nothing important should begin before 9. I have a passion for biographies about famous and successful people. Often, the author finds it peculiar enough to point out that said individual woke up early each morning, by 6 AM usually. I'm no George Washington and I never plan to make any kind of significant difference (except for some kind of drinking water empire, which is still in the works), so why must I wake up with the babies and billionaires???

While I am still ranting about waking up, let me point out the fiction of television. Nothing makes me more upset than seeing a TV family enjoy breakfast at an alternate location, i.e. a diner or coffee shop, before school. This is a myth. I don't know of any human being who has their act together enough to go "catch a bite to eat" (TV phrase, not mine, or any other actual person) before 7:45 AM. My grandparents maybe, but not those of us who can actually sleep a solid 8 hours. Plus, they always have the sun out during this time. Hmmm, apparently the winter solstice does not affect TV land.

So, it's all over. Great. But now I have to work. Boo. But, I guess I can tough it out another 4 months and really enjoy my sleep during my 3 month break this summer. A major perk of educating the rising generation of mouth breathers.

Single + Christmas = Awesome

Man, am I relieved. Nothing is worse than having a boyfriend or husband at Christmas. As you know, I am pinching my pennies these days, and nothing costs more than love. This year, as well as many past years, I won't be spending any portion of my paycheck on a watch/polo/ferrari key chain for a significant "other." Nope, I am able to spend my money as I please. This year, I plan on purchasing gifts for family members, of course. But, since most of them are women, I'll most likely pick myself up a duplicate in my own size. Win, win. As for those pesky holiday songs about lovers, let's just say that on the 13th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, some much needed space.

Here are some dumb pictures:

Billzzzz

I used to tell people I came from money. This was of course, a joke. My dad was a public school teacher (very rewarding in other non-financial spheres) and my mom was a full-time personal assistant for me and my 6 siblings (unpaid). However, like a coal miner's daughter, "we had love, and that's the one thing that daddy made sure of." When I went off to college, I told many people my last name was Chipman, the name of our dormitory. I liked to say, "Hi, my name is Chelsey Chipman, heiress to the Chipman fortune." If they ever asked how we made our money, I usually said that my grandfather had planted a Money Tree years before, and we were reaping its "fruits." Very few people got the joke, mostly because they were heirs in their own right and had no reason to discount my story. As I've gotten older, money has played a larger role in my life.

Recently, I have become obsessed with my billzzz. Not like Benjamins, but like utilities. In this process I have realized that I have a slight obsessive-compulsive complex when it comes to my finances. I have a very small calculator that sits by my computer where I type in hypothetical scenarios of bill payments very regularly. I often think up situations where I only leave $250 a month for "other expenses." Things like, food, gas, clothes, other shopping, etc., you know, the not so necessaries???? Then, I try and live on said budget for approximately 3 days, only to realize that my savings plan is impossible. I'm greedy, but not for stuff, well that too, but for a bank account. I want to be able to watch "Mad Money" in peace. Or be thinking, "Man Suze Orman, I am way ahead of you." Instead, I get sulky and go buy myself some take out and make a visit to my next-door neighbor, the University Mall.

Really, all I'm trying to do is impress my high school Econ. teacher, Ms. Wara. She explained one fateful day in class that if at age 18, you saved $50 a month and put that income into a 6% interest building account (mythical, Ms. Wara) that you would be a millionaire by age 55. I want to do the same. Instead, I am plagued by the genius of a few ladies, known to most of us as "Destiny's Child:"

"can you pay my bills?

can you pay my telephone bills?

can you pay my automo'bills?

then maybe we can chillI

don't think you do

so you and me are through"

But, you know what they say, "Mo' money, mo' problems."

Why my job's the greatest this time of year.

I must take a moment to express some Halloween hillarity. I am lucky enough to spend my Halloween day every year in a junior high. I cannot express fully in words what a great time this can be. At this point in the maturity process school parties are passe, trick or treating is undefined, and boy-girl parties are nothing but awkward. Nonetheless these pre-pubescents still love the holiday. Interesting. On paper it seems like misery, but they don't know that yet. Instead, as an outsider I can look and laugh.

Often I ask the question to groups of kids, "Hey, what do really cool 14-year-olds like yourself do for Halloween?" Here are some responses from today:

"Ummmmm." This came from a boy in bat wings.

"I don't know, probably blow up some pumpkins or something." Wow, me too.

"My mom has a rule about trick or treating past 12." Do I sense some sadness about the topic?

"Watch a movie." Followed by about 2 minutes of giggling.

Another great part about the day, is getting to see the costumes. The halls are littered with parent humor, ill-fitting pimp suits, and wings of every creature. I often imagine that they left the house with a degree of confidence, probably fostered by a mother telling them they looked adorable. The second they walk through the doors that confidence has diminished to nothing. They are walking with heads down at a pretty brisk rate. This was communicated nicely today by a 4'5" 7th grader dressed as a homeless person carrying a sign that read, "Will work for food." Apparently this little girl was not so sure of her drawn-in beard and she was bee-lining towards the bathroom. Of course, I was also involved in a traffic jam caused by a young lady with an 8' wingspan. Eyes were being taken out at a very fast rate. Embarrassing. And, needless to say I always get a kick out of the cross-dressers. However, my favorite costume of the day was worn by the biggest tom boy in school. She came as a beauty pageant contestant. I laughed my head off.

A little middle school fun, on quite possibly my favorite holiday.